I aspire to be perfect!
There…I said it. I said it out loud. Whoa…I even put it in writing. Then I had the nerve to publish that statement. Wait. Is there a delete button? Too late? Oh no…the internet never forgets. What do I do now?
I own it. I embrace it. I might even attempt to explain it.
Like me, you have probably heard the phrase or have been reminded, a time or two, that “nobody’s perfect.” Worse yet, we bought into it. Especially when it came from those people. “What people?”, you may ask. You know those super-spiritual people who even goes as far as saying, “Only God is perfect.” Oooooo…what do you do when you hear that?
Simple. Pull from your own personal word arsenal and remind yourself that you were made in the image of God, and boy does He love it when me strive to emulate Him. So just like that, my goal is not so far-reaching after all. I simply have to be willing to go after it, with everything that is within me. But I first need to know specifically what I am grasping for.
Most definitions of perfect are so conclusive though. Some of the words used are: ideal, model, without fault, best, unrivaled, matchless, too good to be true. Good grief! After reading that, it was as though the voices of the super-spiritual people were arising again with declarations like, “See, told ya!” For a moment I felt doomed…UNTIL…
I stumbled upon this one final meaning that gave me reason to hope again: “as good as it is possible to be”. Hmm…I can certainly live up to that.
A Moment of Transparency
It has been over a year since I published a blog. This one, I consider to be my courageous comeback. My sabbatical began with needing to step back and reevaluate what, exactly, God wants to do and speak through me. Sometimes as I wrote, I wasn’t so sure whose voice I was using, His or my own. And I was not comfortable with that. Actually, I was deeply convicted. It is, and has always been, my desire to be His mouthpiece rather than just a blabber mouth. To date I am successful about 90% of the time. Clearly He is not through with me yet.
As time passed on, I gave the typical spiritualized answer when asked when I would be writing my next blog. You can probably guess what that was. “Oh…I am just waiting on God to release me.” That was my truth initially. But the real truth is that I feared re-entering that gruesome cycle of “starting and stopping and starting and stopping…”. So I just continued to ponder the perfect time to re-emerge. There were times I set dates, only to watch them pass and my site sat dormant waiting for a visit, from me even.
Along with many other things, I continued to seek God about this. I realized I feared more than the start-stop cycle. I was also afraid I would run out of words. I was also afraid no one really wanted to read what I had to say. I even allowed myself to believe the compliments and encouragement I received were just good gestures and nothing more. My self-made delusional list of fears could go on forever. You get the point.
I wonder how many can relate to a measure of fear that is so gripping, and so paralyzing, that it renders you incapable of doing the very thing that you know you were created to do. But I also wonder who is ready to break free of it, just like me.
At some point, I knew I had a choice to make. Either I was going to do what God has called me to do; or I was going to continue unconsciously living in disobedience. Disobedient? Who me? Yes. By not writing, I was holding His words hostage in my heart when He intended for me to share them with His people. Well, you are now privy to my choice to finally obey Him.
Even as I was beginning to feel like I can do this, like I can step out…again; God met me right there in mid-thought. Along comes this treasure that spoke directly to my place of fear. I was invited to join a launch team, and go figure, the book is none other than Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage to Overcome Your Fears, by Kelly Balarie. This book further gave me the charge I needed. I was moved by many of Kelly’s words, like “When I avoid my own conclusions, I often find God’s.” And I did!
As a matter of fact, it challenged me to not be passive about my battle with fear, but to get all the way in the ring with it, determining to be the last man [woman] standing.
Just the perfect excuse to go back to the old me…sort of. No worries, I won’t get too comfortable with that thought.
Nevertheless, in my studies, I discovered the ultimate weapon for this fight with fear. Hence, my pursuit of becoming perfect began.
There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. 1 John 4:18
Ha! Could this really mean as I endeavor to love like Christ loves, fear does not stand a chance in my life? Yep. It is completely annihilated.
SIGN. ME. UP. I want that kind of love living and operating on the inside of me! I want to be so full of it, that fear is smothered, even if unsuspectingly slips back in. I want love so perfected that not just I would be free, but others would be set free through me.
I want. I want it. I want it.
Do you? You are welcome to join me in my pursuit?
I am Fears-fully…I mean FIERCELY pursuing it with all that I am.
Lord…May I never grow weary in my pursuit of perfectly loving like You love…so that I can overcome all my fears. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
In just a few short days, Fear Fighting: Awakening Courage to Overcome Your Fears will be released. The #FearFightingMovement has already begun! In this book, my friend & sister, Kelly candidly shares how she, like me, has has duked it out with fear. As you read, you will find yourself walking alongside Kelly on her journey to freedom. Expect to chuckle, cry, and maybe even sigh…as Kelly on so many unexpected, yet so familiar twists and turns from beginning to end.
CLICK ON IMAGE To Pre-Order Fear Fighting (Releases January 3, 2017)